She's JV to your varsity
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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