i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
