I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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