I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
