I want to make a zoo with you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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