shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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