uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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