Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
