i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am one with the molecules
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
