Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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