Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
