just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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