I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
