his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Damn victory sex feels great
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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