The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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