Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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