I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
