p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
