Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
In America we eat man semen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You left your phone here
Wait...
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