I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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