I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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