how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
