I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
