Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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