oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
