Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
