Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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