Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
