I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
