I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wow bdsm is so cute
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
