Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
