i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
