note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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