So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
