I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
