My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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