did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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