I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
