I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Watching her eat just hurts me
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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