your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
