did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
