Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
