be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We just shotgunned beers for America
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
