What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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