Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
