At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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