I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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