he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
