I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
