mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
