May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
