Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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