Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
